I know, you were expecting that “takers” part, but frankly I am bone weary of givers and takers conversations. I really am. I don’t find this distinction helpful, even in the moments when I can characterize myself as a “giver” in that scenario. Dividing into givers and takers just makes the “givers” angry at the “takers” and makes the “takers” confused by the accusation. My revised dichotomy is based on advice given to me about meditating. No, I’m not going to ask you to meditate, at least not right now, unless you want to in which case you should totally have at it.

The advice was to breathe deeply, relaxing more with each breath, and open to receiving. It stopped me in my tracks, or in my breaths I should say. Open to receiving. As I noticed my clenched jaw, it occurred to me that I was not even remotely open to receiving. And it seemed to me that stance was about more than relaxing by meditating. What was I prepared for? Why so clenched? Why am I glancing at the timer and hoping my jaw unclenches by the time I’m halfway through the “meditation.” I fear what I was focused on was a sort of tortured “giving.” Continue reading → Givers and Receivers

I have a dog. More precisely, I have a big, goofy dog. My big, goofy dog and I take walks together most afternoons. My big, goofy dog is not always goofy with other dogs. My husband and I believe his hostility towards other large dogs is simply a dominance thing. I’ve noticed, however, that his occasional negative reactions to other dogs has made me far more wary when I see them approach. And when they come running across the yard towards their electric and invisible enclosure, I do tend to startle and tense up. This is all fairly predictable and not that strange.

The next part is the part that I’ve really been thinking about. When I startle and tense up, my big, goofy dog becomes far more interested in the other dog, and not in a good way. He senses my upset and works to restore stability as quickly as possible, which in dog means to eradicate the threat by being more threatening. We have been fortunate to avoid any actual physical problems as a result of this extended interaction, but it’s taken me awhile to come up with the best way to dissuade my very large friend from acting as my own personal and overly protective body guard. The change in our process had everything to do with my acknowledging that my buddy was reacting to my perceived fear. Continue reading → My Dog, My Mirror

My refrigerator is dying.

My refrigerator is dying a long, slow, and very noisy death.

Before we go any further, let me assure you that there is an action plan underway and this situation is purely temporary, however, it is VERY LOUD and has been going on for a while.

I can hear my refrigerator from every room in the house but my bedroom.

Shall I say it again? It is VERY LOUD.

The funny thing is that the longer it goes on, the less we seem to notice it. The buzz becomes the norm. I only notice when it stops for a second. And then a wave of relief washes over me for the 30 seconds that it takes to start its chilly death knell again. It is then, in the moment that the buzz starts again, that I feel my jaw clench, that I feel other thoughts abandon me, that I steel myself against that infernal noise.

The world can be a very noisy place, and so much of that noise is out of our control. The closer we live to other humans, the more of that external noise we likely steel ourselves against every day: the traffic; construction; the folks who don’t seem to need sleep; the televisions; the radios; the chimes that let us know that we have a message, a text, dry laundry. All of this sound demanding our attention, infringing on our focus, distracting and attracting us. And that’s just the external stuff… Continue reading → Choosing Now in the Noise