I want to write you a love letter, but I know what you need first is an apology or my compliments will sound shallow and empty. So, there we are. I’m not good at saying it, but I really am sorry.
I’m so sorry for all of the times I had unkind thoughts about you. I’m so sorry for all of the times I blamed you for the way my clothes fit. I’m so sorry for all of the times I wouldn’t even look at you in the mirror. I’m more sorry for only seeing flaws when I did look. I’m so sorry for treating you like a traitor, an enemy, something to fight and work against. I’m so sorry for not loving you. I’m sorry for the times I decided to eat next to nothing. I’m sorry for the times I decided to eat mostly junk. I’m sorry for deciding that you weren’t worthy of better treatment than both. I’m sorry for not using you better, for either neglecting or deciding to run marathons starting now.
I’m sorry for failing to recognize everything you have done for me while I abused you. You have provided me with so much support and so many opportunities: all of the times you carried me everywhere I needed to go; all of the times you let me open my mouth and make music; all of the times you healed when something went horribly (or even just a little) wrong; all of the change you tolerated to carry twins to term; all of the energy you used to run and run and run; all of the hiking, backpacking, canoeing, kayaking, walking, dancing, acting, playing in the snow; all of the baby carrying, baby bouncing, stroller pushing, rocking; all of the exploring in California, Florida, Italy, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Montreal, Algonquin, the Adirondacks, Chautauqua, NYC, Long Island, Washington DC, Seattle, Vancouver, London, Martinique; all of the writing of songs and typing of essays; all of the guitar and piano playing; all of the bread making, cookie baking, stirring, mixing, cutting, chopping; all of the hugging, caressing, comforting, holding, loving. You have been there for all of it, doing your best.
I haven’t always been the best friend or partner in the past, but I promise things have changed. I see you now. I see you exactly as you are and I think you’re amazing. I’m a little ashamed of how I missed it all this time, but that doesn’t help us now. Now I see. Now I set my shame aside so I can appreciate you, today, just as you are, holding me up, holding me on this beautiful and exciting earth, containing my best bits so I can share them with people around me. Thank you.